Purpose of Post: Show how sometimes people with OCD tend to be very persistent, to the point where others may see it as harassment, sometimes even without realizing it.
Solution: Describe to me what I am doing wrong, and state what I need to do to fix it. From there, we will follow up on that solution.
Utopian fantasy: The world focused more on directly solving issues so that no time is wasted. Sometimes, I feel like we spend so much trying not to “offend” somebody. My wish is that nobody would be concerned about such matters. People wouldn’t have to worry about image, the world wouldn’t be focused on image. The primary purpose of the world would be to function in a society that provides well being for others.
OCD Head Speaking
YOU MUST HAVE EVERYTHING DOWN PAT. OTHERWISE YOU ARE GOING TO BE A FAILURE AND DIE. BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO THIS, YOU DESERVE TO DIE. YOU’RE NOT WORTHY OF LIVING IF YOU DON’T DO IT WITH EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN. DON’T DO SO AND YOU’RE WORTHLESS. YOU MUST FIGHT, MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS PERFECT. THE ONLY WAY I MUST THREATEN YOU TO DO SOMETHING IS TO REMIND YOU YOU’LL DIE. WHAT IF I AM NOT 100% SURE THAT YOU DONE THIS RIGHT? YOU MUST MAKE SURE. YOUR WHOLE LIFE IS LIKE A LADDER, AND EACH STEP MUST BE PERFECT SO YOU DON’T FALL DOWN.
How I communicate with people:
People/World: Hello. I would very much like to do this for you.
Me: What dates are your plans ending?
People/World: Um… on *this date*.
People/World: She wouldn’t take no for an answer. She was very rude, saying it was unacceptable.
Me: I wasn’t trying to be rude. I was trying to get a specific date that you will be done with the other activity. Once you are done with it, then I would call you back to ask if you would like to negotiate it at your business. You said that you would love to help out, but you are not going to remember me, so I must remember to call you back on that date.
Me: Hey, I would very much appreciate it if you could get back to me by *this date*.
People/World: She is very demanding.
Me: I wasn’t trying to be demanding. I was just saying that it would be nice if you could get back to me by *this date*. You can decide when to reply to me, I am not ordering you to reply to me. You can do whatever you want, I am not even threatening you to do anything.
People/World: She wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Me: I was trying to reason with you on why you should *do this action*, I wasn’t saying that you have to do it.
Conclusion on the wrong equation in my head:
I am having trouble dealing and communicating with people. I notice that; I, however, don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I can’t force people to do what I want them to do. I just want to get done what I want to get done. So, I tell them….
“In order for this to happen, it needs to get done by *this and this date*. I would appreciate it if you could get back to me”.
They can tell me they don’t care or they can choose to help me out. I don’t understand why people say I “demand” them to do something.
I say that it would be awesome if they could reply to me by *then* because, in order for that certain event to happen, I need your reply by *then*. They don’t even have to reply at all. I am just saying that it would be nice.
I wasn’t trying to be demanding of that thing that I want to get done. I was trying to reason with you, and say if you don’t mind if you do this, stating the reasons why.
Maybe you didn’t know the reasons to why you should do something, so I was just offering you my opinion. But it was all just a misunderstanding in the first place.
My incomplete conclusion on why I got the equation wrong:
What I got wrong:
If the person doesn’t want to do it, after stating the reasons why I would like for her to do it, then she will just tell me. I just wanted her to hear my reasons.
What I (maybe) should’ve done:
“I am just offering you reasons for why you should send the email. You can decide from there whether you want to or not.”
Why I got it wrong:
I thought that the person can decide with their own will whether they want to reply to me or not. I just stated that it would be awesome.
What I (maybe) should’ve done:
“It would be absolutely wonderful if you could reply to me by *this date*, but you can absolutely decide by your own free will whether you want to or not. I am just giving you deadlines so you know when it would be necessary to reply to me, because these events have deadlines. It is just something that I will appreciate, you absolutely have power in your free will to not reply to me.”
I am certainly over complicating things way too much. I just don’t understand how I’m too demanding if I am just saying that it would be great if you could reply or get back to me on *this date*.
Well, it could also just be those two people, not the world or people in general. It was just those two people that misunderstood me, eventually all misunderstanding each other. This post is a mess, just like my head.
I am just going to sit down with her and discuss how she wants her emails to be replied, what I want, and if we can reach an agreement on how we should interact with each other without bothering each other.
This post is a mess. Like my head. But I just need to solve each problem mathematically, step by step, into a precise equation to get there by a time. Our life is just a mess of puzzle pieces, ready to get put back together. I am ready for my puzzle.
The only thing that I know is that I am a good person, with good intentions. The only thing that I need to focus on is to be the best person that I can be, and continuously grow to be the best person that I can be.
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