FREAKING Out Over Failure

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Hey guys. I need your help. Would also definitely like support, comments, etc… Your comments really mean a lot to me.

So… any of you Americans reading out there, know about NHS (National Honor Society). I have NO confidence in getting accepted.

I heard that in my school the application process is pretty selective. You really need to have leadership positions; I guess I would have enough of these.

I talked with my sister and my mom… They said I have a good enough chance of getting in.


Why am I even joining this?

Let me just explain to you…

Applications FREAK me OUT. I am sure going to have an anxiety attack in senior year once I start applying to colleges. Getting signatures from people, when they are all away across America, having to call them, etc.

I am a very strong believer in only participating and doing things that I find meaningful. I don’t believe in having a bunch of leadership positions just so it looks good on my transcript.

I am mainly applying to NHS because my mom said she would like for me to do so. After all, it doesn’t hurt.

I don’t need anybody judging me. I don’t want to care what the entire world thinks of me. I want to do what I am passionate about, and what I think is making a positive impact on the world.

When it comes to doing things that I am really passionate about, there’s honestly no stress. That is because I know no matter what the outcome is,  I am still taking risks for doing something big that I absolutely love.

Right now, I am on the verge of burning the application and telling it to go to hell. I do believe the application is meaningful, as the work they do is. However, I would rather focus on the goal of stopping poverty rather than doing a bunch of community service projects that only relieve the hardship of poverty for a short period of time (like soup kitchens). When I do join into NHS, then I will integrate programs and efforts to STOP poverty, because that is important to me. I will also do volunteer work, and enjoy doing the volunteer activities.

I am stressed out because of a story. For its telling, I’ll use alternate names to keep anonymity.

Bob was a guy that had a lot of problems with depression. He tried to take his life, pretty much out of the pressure he felt of getting accepted into college and how people (and colleges) thought of him.

It just hurts me so much how we are told all the time to do this and that, and sincerity in actually changing the world and doing what you love just doesn’t matter. And in the end you’re not even that far up anyway, all alone and sad.

What if you are working on creating a program to promote education for those in poverty? A program that, in order to be successful, takes a long time.

Should you work on that, or join a bunch of clubs and be elected for President so it looks good on your transcript? Shouldn’t life be about living up to your potential, and doing the best you can for the good of the world, rather than impressing a bunch of colleges?

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5 thoughts on “FREAKING Out Over Failure

  1. Crystal says:

    Hey Silence I can relate to this even though I was never in the NHS, nor have any experiences in that area. Here in America I noticed that the system can be superficial. It’s just like applying for a job, or looking for a career you would want to pursue. Whenever I have an interview I get super nervous because it seems we only have to say all of these things we have done just to be accepted by society. Do you ever feel like you have a lot to contribute to the world, but you just feel misunderstood by society? You know what you are capable of, but society has their own views of success & what it means to be a leader. Being that you are academically smart I know that there is a lot of pressure on you. I know your parents have good intentions for you & they just want what’s best for you. I just believe society has this false belief that the only way to be successful is to make good grades & being involved in tons of extracurricular activities. Having good grades is not the only way to show intelligence. You are more than your good grades & accomplishments.

    • That is exactly how I feel. I really wish around the world, we can be so much more open about these things. And I don’t mean to vent, or anything like that, but just as a fact to point out…. I have been trying very hard.. to do the right thing, and to accomplish the right thing that I am passionate about. And I have had a lot of rejections. And people have said that I was rude, pushy, crossing people’s boundaries, etc… and I KNOW you have to pay attention to all of those things.But I know in my heart, that the only thing that matters, is to do what I feel is right, and to always do the right thing, no matter what.

      You know what really bothered me? I was sitting with a teacher of mine,and he was going over my resume…. he basically said to put the blog, on the very bottom, and a research on a bacteria that I am doing for world hunger on the top.

      I love my blog, and I find it so meaningful and important to me. Who says, and who is one to judge, whether giving people meaningful advice/help/connecting with people that are going through the same suffering as you, is more important? I think both are important… and I wasn’t offended. I knew it was only based on what society thought.

      Being successful is making a difference,not being the president of student government. I really hope that whatever teacher/academic counselor is reading this can really ingrain this in the minds of other students. We are creating a society that is depressed and suicidal,and insincere in passion/beliefs(by not fault of their own) and based on how the world views us, the professional world as well.

  2. Crystal says:

    It’s interesting that your teacher would tell you that. Society needs to look deeper into what is causing poverty/why it’s increasing. What you said at the end about how society is becoming depressed & suicidal, I can see it & we both live in two different places. I often feel like I don’t belong anywhere & I love doing a lot of things. I realized only certain things are more valuable than others, I mean in the eyes of society & yeah it’s not your teacher’s fault. You can make a difference by integrating the NHS & stopping poverty, while still blogging.

    • I definitely agree. You can’t blame him for thinking like that, its on how we are raised, and brought up in our society. I just really wish, in my uptopia world,that making a difference would only mean making an impact/a difference in the eyes of the beholder. It like nowadays making a difference is based on societies perspective on how to make a difference, you know? Why do you feel like you don’t belong anywhere ? What do you love to do? Again, I really appreciate your thoughts and comments Crystal, it really means a lot to me. Thanks so much:)

  3. Crystal says:

    I was just thinking how many people are feeling unfulfilled because we are just living to get by. I’m tired of working at jobs that feel unfulfilling & maybe that’s what adding to my depression. Being more on the introverted side I often feel like I have to be more social & talkative, but I want to make a difference. I’m 21 and I was in college for a short while & I was taking classes that I thought was unnecessary. I was failing in some of my classes, & of course I felt like a failure because I want to be successful. It’s weird because for me even though I am more introverted a lot of people assume that something is wrong with me. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, but I know I can express myself in a way that’s comfortable for me. I know in places I don’t feel fulfilled I can’t really feel completely like myself, I feel like an outcast. It’s like I have gotten bored with the standard American jobs. I love art, but I also love being involved in social rights. I always believed that there are different ways to do things & there’s no wrong, or right way. All in all only you know what’s the best for you, & if you really enjoy it you will make a difference.

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